Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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