I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
