Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Alive.
So much puke
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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