checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
