sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
