guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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