I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
