Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
