I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
