Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
