when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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