the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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