Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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