it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
