So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
