lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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