Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.

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  (619): Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular. http://tfl.nu/9sri
  Replies (36) Good night (3869) Bad night (548)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?

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  (203): can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town? http://tfl.nu/qtp4
  Replies (50) Good night (802) Bad night (1935)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick

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  (910): I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick http://tfl.nu/ykrr
  Replies (23) Good night (637) Bad night (5674)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.

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  (856): I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good. http://tfl.nu/o2i1
  Replies (13) Good night (1309) Bad night (3505)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

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  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (9329) Bad night (1145)
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  (707): View more from California

  I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on

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  (707): I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on http://tfl.nu/0k8v
  Replies (26) Good night (3060) Bad night (1123)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.

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  (780): We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts. http://tfl.nu/8v61
  Replies (16) Good night (875) Bad night (6256)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?

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  (716): I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone? http://tfl.nu/d362
  Replies (8) Good night (1588) Bad night (2548)
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

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  (925): I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't http://tfl.nu/i8hu
  Replies (29) Good night (6085) Bad night (1227)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night

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  (262): some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night http://tfl.nu/wjmk
  Replies (7) Good night (5313) Bad night (793)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.

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  (443): Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar. http://tfl.nu/j1fg
  Replies (12) Good night (4852) Bad night (1443)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!

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  (580): I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever! http://tfl.nu/u7rz
  Replies (6) Good night (3410) Bad night (669)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day

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  (902): On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day http://tfl.nu/p5su
  Replies (4) Good night (1851) Bad night (570)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.

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  (870): He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible. http://tfl.nu/mspa
  Replies (9) Good night (1336) Bad night (567)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

  (239): View more from Florida

  I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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  (724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED" (239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink. http://tfl.nu/ryur
  Replies (3) Good night (2241) Bad night (652)

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