2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.