I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk