I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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