I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
