I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
