i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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