We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
