You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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