I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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