He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
