He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
