Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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