Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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