It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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