My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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