Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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