i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
