you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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