I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The power of my boobs compel you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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