I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
