she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize