Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
