I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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