The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
