Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
