i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
