Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
