im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
