this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
