the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
