My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize