We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I look better un-naked...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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