So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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