how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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