I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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