yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
