u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
