your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well you can't waste a boner
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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