I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
