Im at strip club and am horny
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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