is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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