I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize