if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You ate ashes out of my bong
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