god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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