There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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