Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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