those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
