You smell like a Billy Joel song
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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