Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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