I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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