? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
