4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
