i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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