I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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