Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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