guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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