I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
