If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
