Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
