i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
