He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
barbara walters just said penis...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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